I’ve kind of been putting off updating this thing. I hate being emo and writing nothing but crap. This was a hard week for me. My back still isn’t better. I need some painkillers, but I don’t think dr’s will give me any and I’m too broke to buy any. I have some money coming in but I have a lot of bills to pay. That and more is already owed.

Ryan missed two days of school this week. The first day I think he was just faking being sick. Today he actually did seem kind of run down though, and he had a temperature. But he’s better so he’s definitely going back tomorrow.

I’ve been fighting with Justin for reasons I don’t even understand. I’m not sure what’s going on there honestly. We just seem to be fighting a lot. And with me feeling as shitty as I’ve been I haven’t been the nicest or most loving person either. So it’s at least partly my fault. I just haven’t felt like talking much honestly. I feel like shit. I can’t play games at the moment because I can’t sit here for long periods of time without getting up and walking around due to my back, and playing games together is usually what we do.

I’ve even been neglecting making money, which isn’t like me at all. I really need to stop that.

I lost a close friend this week also. They aren’t dead, but I guess they may as well be to me. We won’t be speaking again any time soon, if ever. I took it harder than I probably should. There’s just very few people in this world who mean anything at all to me. I don’t take losing them lightly. Especially when they can’t even say goodbye.

I’m just thanking what ever god may be out there for saving Cetta from carbon monoxide.

Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun
Along the long road and on down to the causeway
Do they still LIVE there by the cut
There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay
The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder
Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide
At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed up world

Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There’s a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we’ve been so many times
The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river
Forever and ever
pink floyd – high hopes

Originally published at GiRLY-GiRL.NET. You can comment here or there.

I threw out my back again. It’s extremely painful this time. I’ve ben stuck in my room for days being miserable. I need percs badly. On top of that I woke up today with a fever and horrible migraine. Definitely not in the best of moods.

I am too connected to you
To slip away, fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,
Considerately killing me and
Considerately killing me.

Originally published at GiRLY-GiRL.NET. You can comment here or there.